The Way the Wizards Weirded the World
by SugarHi Marauders
Summary: Sirius is just crazy, Peter is obsessed with glass figurines, Lily has a person in her head that she talks to, Remus thinks he's famous, and James has a stalker. Oh, and did we mention... they're all hyper! Read and Reveiw!
1. Chapter 1 The One with the Dusty Pdding

A/N: HI! This is Callia and Trisha... TOGETHER! Our first story together... how memorable. Well anyway enjoy and review! (and if you don't enjoy... pretend you like it and review anyway)

Disclaimer: If you! think we are Jo, in the words of Emerson Spartz, you clearly are delusional. We do though; take credit for the tutu (even though the polka dots belong to Lilybean as does Smitten Van McFluber), the museum, and the kilt. The Mangus McDonald dude did come from _Quidditch Through the Ages, _so yea. Oh yea... the Banana Phone song? Not ours.

**Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone!**

_Oh god._

**Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring** **Banana phone!**

_Oh please shoot me now._

**I've got this feeling so appealing for us to get together and sing - SING!**

_MAKE THEM STOP!_

**Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding Donana phone** !

"Would you two SHUT UP!"

"But why Lily?" Sirius asked innocently.

Peter shrugged in agreement. "It's so hot outside, and I'm BORED!"

James groaned. "If you say the B word one more time, I will hex you Padfoot. And don't tempt me... I'm overage now!" He swelled with pride.

"You better not use magic Potter" I said. "Just in case you haven't noticed, we're outside where people can see us. Where MUGGLES can see us."

He looked up at me and squinted.

"Remind me again Lily, why we are surrounded by muggles?"

"Because you four decided to come to my house. And my parents are muggles, so they would buy a house where muggles live."

"Ooooh yeah," James said nodding his head.

Remus sat up from the spot on the Evan's lawn where he was lying.

"So what do you guys want to do?"

We sat around thinking about the question, but was interrupted by a scream from inside my house.

"LILY!" my sister Petunia screeched. "There's another one of those THINGS here for you!"

After 6 years, you think she would get used to the owls that occasionally flew in the window to bring me mail. Apparently not. We scurried inside, to see an owl from the Daily Prophet sitting on the table.

"Calm down Petunia, it's just my paper!"

"Anyone we know," James asked as I skimmed through the paper.

It's really sad how that's the first question that comes to mind when you're reading the newspaper. Not, 'did so and so get married yet?' or 'how are the Chudley Cannons doing?' like it used to be. Ever since Voldemort was gaining power all anyone cared about were deaths.

Remus scanned the paper some more as I dropped some coins in the owls little money pouch and watched him soar out the window.

"Nope... thankfully. But look at this. The Quidditch Museum has a new exhibit on Mangus "Dent-head" MacDonald!"

James looked reverently at the ad in the newspaper.

"He campaigned for the return of Creaothceann!"

Sirius looked at him and in unison said, "He's my hero!"

"We need to see this exhibit... today!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly.

"Right now!" James screamed.

"James you can't go," Remus said screaming louder than James because of the noise the two boys were making.

"You were banned from the museum remember?"

James frowned. "Oh yeah..." _He got banned from a Quidditch Museum? _

"What did you do?" I asked.

The boys looked solemnly at the floor.

It was Peter who spoke up.

"He accidently decapitated a wax model of one of the world's best Quidditch referees- Schmitten van McFluber."

_Schmitten van McFluber? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. _

Unfortunately when I laughed out loud, the glares of 4 Quidditch loving boys were focused at me.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "It's a funny name. Not that I think ill of the referee or anything, but come on, Schmitten van McFluber?"

I tried to smile but it didn't work. Darn their stupid glares that are very frightening.

"So should I take it a trip to the museum is totally out of the question?"

Sirius gasped.

"Of course not! I NEED to see this exhibit! I will DIE if I don't, and if I have to die then I'm bringing you all down with me! That way we can be together for all of eternity!"

I heard 4 barely audible gulps, one of them belonging to me.

_All of eternity with SIRIUS? _

That's when I heard myself saying "Well then, we'll just have to see that exhibit now won't we?"

Wait! I don't want to see that exhibit! I don't even want to go to the stupid museum! 

But seeing Sirius's face light up, I couldn't tell him that I changed my mind in a nano second.

So instead I grinned. I grinned like an idiot actually, because Petunia came into the room and said, "Freak, why are you grinning like an idiot?"

"Hey! Lily does not grin like an idiot," James yelled at Petuina.

I would have stopped him but he kept on yelling at her and saying nice stuff about me... who would want to put a stop to that?

Anyway, he kept on talking and talking until Petunia ran out of the room. I couldn't think of anything to say to James after he said some sweet things to me so I wound up hugging him.

I mad a mental note to take a three-hour shower after the boys left.

Just then Sirius started on a rant of how great the museum was going to be, and James had a definite look of sadness about him.

Remus noticed it too, because he said that he didn't want to go to the what he called "bloody museum."

Instead, he said, "I'd much rather check out the local library, muggle authors fascinate me. James, you're coming with me."

If that was supposed to cheer James up, it sure didn't work.

"I don't want to go to some stupid library Moony. I wanna go to the Quidditch museum!" James whined sounding a lot like a baby.

"The library is not stupid! It's a place where one can find anything and enjoy the silent person within him. And because you made fun of it, you're definitely going," Remus said loudly.

Very loudly. Especially if said person was standing right next to you.

He then pulled James out of my house and they marched down the street.

"Well I guess that settles it," I said. "Where is this Quidditch Museum anyway?"

Sirius grinned and said, "You'll see."

He grabbed a hold of Peter, and apparated with him calling to me that they had to change first and would be back in 15 minutes. With a crack they were both gone.

So I waited for 15 minutes. It was a very long and silent 15 minutes while I waited for two scary hyper-active boys to come back.

When 15 minutes came by and they appeared I decided I would much rather prefer the silence.

There, standing in the middle of my living room was Sirius in an orange and maroon plaid kilt. A KILT! And we weren't even Irish or Scottish or who ever it is that invented the kilt. We were English! Sirius was a bloody Englishman in a kilt!

But he was nothing compared to Peter in his pink and purpled polka dotted tutu.

That's right, a tutu. TUTU! Eeeww! It's not like Peter is skinny.

And he's a guy! Guy's don't wear tutus. It should be against the law for Englishmen to wear tutus and kilts.

They both grinned and Peter asked "Do you think I look pretty? Sirius said that the pink made me look a little cubby, but it went so perfectly with my purple shoes!"

That's when I looked down at his feet and saw that he was wearing glittery purple high heels- that's something Madonna would wear!

No 16 almost 17-year-old wizard should wear something like that!

"Uhh... no," I stuttered. "I think it's positively lovely!"

POSITIVELY LOVELY?

Since when did I become such a good liar? Well apparently never, since the boys went into a fit of hysterics at the appalled look on my face.

"No I mean it! You guys look simply ravishing. I'm sure any girl in the museum would just love to get a piece of you guys," I said. That shut them up.

"Will the muggle ladies like us too?" Sirius asked.

Muggle... ladies? But the only way we would see muggles is if we _walk _there.

"So," I said, trying to cover up my sheer terror of going out in public with them, "How are we getting there? We can floo, my fireplace is hooked up, or we can apparate, I just got my license, of course you would have to apparate with Peter, because his birthday isn't until later next week. Oh by the way Peter what do you want for your birthday? I was thinking a nice warm afghan, but now I'm thinking it's a little stupid for the middle of July, you know? So what about a purple purse? It would go nicely with your shoes an tutu!"

Sirius started looking bored. "Lily?" he asked politely. "Shut up!"

That wasn't so polite.

I decided to voice my thoughts. "That wasn't polite Sirius."

"I'm sorry Lily dear. James wouldn't want me to upset you. But to answer your first question, we're walking."

_NO! NO NO AND NO! I cannot be seen with them in public like that!_

"Why?" I managed to stutter, "Why are we walking?"

Sirius sighed and explained it to me like I was brain dead or something.

"You see Lily, we are walking because we are. Because basically I said so. Ok?"

_Ok? It most certainly not ok! I will not be seen with these two buffoons!_

"Yeah sure."

_Did I just say "Yeah sure!" NOOOO! I don't wanna go! And they can't make me! They'll never take me alive! NEVER!_

"So are we going or what?"

"Yeah let's go!"

_Wait that last comment came from my mouth. Mine? Why? No clue! It's not like I actually want to go to the stupid museum seen with those stupidly dressed idiots. Darn my mouth. I think it has a brain of its own. Now that I think about it... if my mouth really did have a brain of its own... that would be funny looking!_

We stepped into the sunshine, and automatically started getting weird looks.

I live in a neighborhood where everybody gossips and where different is bad. Which is probably why I had very little friends at my elementary school. But seeing the looks I was getting from my neighbors didn't embarrass me. In fact, I found it quite amusing. But I would never admit that to Sirius and Peter.

"Hey guys, don't I get odd clothing? I want my neighbors to think I'm weird too!"

Oh darn. My stupid mouth with its brain that doesn't like me.

Peter looked thoughtful. "It's only fair, I mean we both are dressed weird."

Sirius sighed again. "Fine, Fine, we'll go back inside and whip something up for you."

"Uhh... ok?" I said, leading the way back to my kitchen.

Sirius suddenly looked businesslike. "Ok Lily, the deal is that whatever we get for you to wear... you HAVE to wear, no matter if you don't like it. Deal?" He stuck out his hand.

_No! NO! I won't be stuck wearing something that Sirius picked out! What if he sticks me in a... a... DARN MY INABILITY TO COME UP WITH A BAD COSTUME! But no, I will not agree! I will not I tell you!_

"Deal," I said, shaking his hand. Apparently my mouth brain controls my hands too.

Sirius took out his wand, grinned and said "You are gonna love this one!"

_Oh I bet I will. That was supposed to be sarcastic, It's hard to sue sarcasm in thought... very hard. _

He jabbed his wand in my direction, and with a loud "Kersplunck!" and whole lot of mist, the transformation was complete... I was now a... wait what was I?

"Sirius, What am I wearing," I asked in a would be calm voice. I was wearing a carrot thing with wings and poofy skirt thing and a tiara.

"Why, you're a poofy fairy carrot!" He said happily. For some strange reason Peter gasped and bowed down to me and then Sirius did the same. Strange people they are.

_What the hell is a poofy fairy carrot? And why are they bowing to it? _

"How stupid of me!" I exclaim. Apparently my mouth knows what a poofy fairy carrot is.

The next thing I knew, I was hearing a strangely familiar voice in my head.

"Lily, who doesn't know what a poofy fairy carrot is?" the voice asked.

Apparently me. _Well, _I thought to the voice, _If your so smart you tell me what it is! _

"I can't tell you what it is," The voice said again.

_Why not_, I thought to that very familiar sounding voice.

"Because," the voice said, "this is one of those things you got to figure out for yourself, Mr. Sqigglemeyertoe!"

I know who the voice is now… and I'm not liking it!

"Oh. My. God! You're James! Get out of my head!" I screamed. Out loud. In front of Peter and Sirius. So strange looks are being thrown my way.

Sirius was the first to open his mouth. "Lily… James isn't in your head… he's with Remus at some library…"

_Oh crud. They think I'm the weird one! ME! Ok, well maybe I am a little weird, but not as weird as they are!_

Stupid mouth. It's always talking before consulting my brain.

"Oh, but there is a voice in my head that sounds exactly like James! He even talks like James."

Stupid mouth. Peter started giving me weird looks, and asked if I was sure I was feeling ok. I feel fine I tell you! FINE!

To top it all off, James-in-my-head came back.

"Lily, they can't hear me, because this is your inner voice!"

_Since when was James Potter my inner voice!_

"I was always your inner voice," James-in-my-head said. "I just used to amuse myself by sounding like a nasally girl. But it got really annoying after 17 years, you know what I mean?"

_NO! I don't know what you mean, because I'm not someone's inner voice pretending to be of the opposite sex for practically all of their lives! _

"Hah hah… you said sex!"

_You're stupid. Go away._

"But don't you want to know what a poofy fairy carrot is?" James-in-my-head asked in a very sing songy voice. If I didn't know better I would have thought it was Peeves.

_I thought you said you can't tell me! If I had known you would I wouldn't have questioned your stupidly annoying James voice._

"Oh I'm not going to tell you. It's better for your character if I don't. Can't tell you I'm afraid love."

Oh jeez. The voice in my mid just called me love...

"But," James-in-my-head said coyly, "If you GUESS, I can tell you if you were right or not, and if you're really close, I can just tell you!"

_OK, this isn't so hard. I can do this. C'mon Lily think! Uh… I guess that it is a fairy who ate too many carrots and then became a carrot, and then got assigned the job of tooth fairy by the old Tooth Totter, so she wears the poofy fairy outfit! Am I right? _

The James voice laughed. "No, but you were super close, so I'm just gonna tell you!"

_OK, hurry up… Sirius and Peter are looking at me doubly funny._

"Ok. A poofy fairy carrot is a make-believe carrot like fairy who helps wizards float."

_That was close? Your insane… go away, we're going to the Quidditch Museum, and you aren't allowed in there! _

"I'm sorry Lily but I can't go away. Voices in minds can be silenced but they never leave. And I'm not James, I'm just exactly like him."

_Great I'm with James no matter where I go._

"Isn't it a dream come true?"

_I hate you._

"Well, for now, I'll be quiet."

_Well…. Good. _

I turned to Sirius and Peter and said "Well, what are you waiting for? LET'S GO!"

"Peter," Sirius said in what he thought was a quiet voice. "I'm scared."

"Me too Padfoot, Me too."

"You do realize I can hear you right? You're not very quiet."

Sirius looked startled, and nudged Peter. Peter waddle up to my face, and started making circular motions with his hands. In a very deep voice, that I didn't know Peter had, he chanted, "You didn't see ANYYY THINNGGGG!"

What is he talking about? Of course I saw something! They're scared of me stupid people making me look like a lunatic woman. I AM NOT A LUNATIC WOMAN!

"Ok." Apparently my mouth didn't see anything.

Sirius brightened, and then bounded out the door, and said "Kom op u stekelvarken drijvene experts!"

Peter nodded and skipped after him.

_What the heckers was that? _

"I know!" James-in-my-head said smugly. "It's a shame you don't want me around, or I could tell you!"

_Ok fine. Tell me but first I have a question... If you're not James and you're the voice in my mind then why in the world do you know everything I don't?_

James in my head sighed. "Must I tell you everything Lily love? Don't answer, because I know what you are going to say 'Well apparently yes, you do have to tell me everything!' You use that word way too many times a day!"

_Well, I like the word. It's my word of the year 17 years in a row… that's how special it is! _

James laughed. "Ok, well the reason why I know everything, is simply because I am amazing and awesome and sexy, and amazing at Quidditch. Does that answer your question?"

_No, it doesn't. It just shows me that my inner voice, the James-in-my-head, is just a big of an arrogant prat as the real James!_

"Lily, I will not be referred to as 'James-in-my-head'… I prefer "James-in-my-mind' if you don't mind… HAHAHAH PUN! Or was it? I never really got those pun things."

_James-In-My-Mind? JIMM! _

"Lily? You still there?" Sirius started waving a hand in my face.

"Oh sorry I was just talking to JIMM."

"JIMM?" Sirius asked. "You know what, I don't even want to know. Just c'mon!"

"Okay!" And we walked out of my house and started down the road.

As soon as we got down the block, I realized that I had no money._ What if this museum charged a fee to get in? They would deny me entrance. And then Sirius would laugh at me and say "Hah hah Lily, you got DENIED!" So my heart would shatter into a million pieces, and Peter would all of a sudden smell onions. _

"Peter and onions don't go well together Lily. Trust me I should know." JIMM said.

_Go away. I must get my money from my house._

Motioning to Sirius and Peter, I scurried, don't you just love that word? Scurry. It makes me feel kind of like a nice little field mouse named Goby Alibay.

JIMM laughed. "Goby Alibay? That's not a name for a mouse. A cute little scurrying field mouse's name would be Clyde."

_Clyde? That's a weird name, Goby Alibay is so much better! _

"What ever you say," JIMM laughed. Both JIMM and James have this adorable little laugh. It makes me want to smile, all the time.

Yeah, well anyway I scurried into my house in a search for money.

I finally found money and I started out the door when I realized Peter and Sirius were whispering. QUIETLY! Behind my back! It's as if they were talking about me! ME!

"Hey guys!" I say trying to be kind of sexy, in a hope of seducing them into telling me what they were talking about, "What are two big manly man men like you doing whispering? You want to tell me what you were talking about?"

Peter and Sirius looked frightened and started whispering even more.

Darn. They're very annoying when they do that. Especially when they get scared of my seducing voice. Note to self: Think of better voice.

"I like your seducing voice Lily," JIMM said. _Shut up!_

Ok, so apparently I'm anti sexy... big deal right?

"Don't worry Lily," JIMM said. "James thinks your sexy, because of your seducing voice."

_Shut up, JIMM _But secretly I was amazed that James could actually think I was sexy, or even remotely attractive.

Unfortunately for me, you can't hide things from your inner voice.

"How could James not think you're sexy? You have sexy written all over you!" JIMM said.

_Well, between the talking to myself and the whole being a spaz thing, most guys tend to stay away... far away. _

"Well James isn't a normal guy is he?"

That's true. Very true in fact. Who else would give me a nickname like Mr. Sqigglemeyertoe?

"Lily, I'm saying this because I care, stop talking to yourself," Sirius said interrupting my thoughts about James.

"I'm not talking to myself I'm talking to the James-In-My-Mind. I like to call him JIMM."

Sirius and Peter glanced nervously at each other.

"Ok... Lily, let's just go alright?"

I thought about it... we were supposed to leave for the museum a long time ago.

Maybe we should go now... NOT.

"Good idea!"

_Why was that my voice that said that? Darn I did it again. I hate my mouth and my mouth's brain._

"Ha ha. Mouths don't have brains silly goose. I control you're mouth MWAHAHAHAHA!"

_Oh yeah? Well then I hate you JIMM. _

"Watcha gonna do about it? huh?"

_Mental poke! Mental poke! Mental poke! Mental poke! Mental poke!_

Ok... need a new plan. The mental poke thing... not working.

Poke! Poke! Poke! Poke!

"Lily?" Sirius asked. "Why are you poking your forehead?"

_Okay Lily, this is it. It's time to take control over your mouth and lie. You can do this!_

"Because I just found out that JIMM is my mouth's brain and I hate him."

Stupid JIMM.

Sirius just turned away and sat on the sofa with Peter.

A very scared Peter, as it was.

How did I know he was scared? I mean he does look terrified all the time. Well this is how.

He said, "Padfoot... I'm scared."

"What an amazing conclusion Lily," JIMM said, in what was a very sarcastic voice. I was almost sure he would be rolling his eyes if he had some.

_Leave me alone. You know Peter always looks kind of scared... It's in his nature. _

"It's okay Peter, I'm scared too," Sirius said.

It's a sad day when I scare Sirius to the point where he's as scared as Peter.

I returned to arguing with JIMM, when I noticed that Peter and Sirius were whispering again.

I blocked JIMM out for a minute, and just stared at them. When they noticed my stare, Peter looked at Sirius.

Then he shouted, "NOW!"

Sirius tackled me and threw me over his shoulder.

"SIRIUS!" I screamed. "PUT ME DOWN!"

Sirius laughed, a crazed maniacal laugh.

"No, not this time Lily. We are going to the museum... NOW!"

"Fine! Just put. Me. DOWN!" I yelled. Then being the nice polite lady I am, I started hitting his back.

Apparently, he didn't like that. So we I had to leave my house dressed as a poofy fairy carrot (or was it poofy carrot fairy? I'm not sure) being held by a creep in a kilt.

Once on the steps, I realized that the neighbors were throwing a party on their front lawn. It was probably just getting started because none of the bags of chips were open, and you can't have a party without chips- there would be a mutiny. By the looks of it the whole neighborhood was there. So of course they all turned to stare at us.

I even heard someone mutter "Is that Lily Evans? Why is she dressed like that? Is today Halloween? Did we all forget? Is this party a Halloween party?"

Before I could laugh at their stupidity, I realize that they didn't even invite me to their party! The nerve of them!

"Maybe they're scared you'll weird up the party."

_Shut up JIMM. I cannot weird up anything. Especially not parties. I'm always the life of parties!_

JIMM laughed. "Of course you are. But don't forget the Weinburger's party, the Cohn's Hanukah party, the Renquesties' Valentine's Day Masquerade, the Boardman's party of 1971... need I go on? You certainly weren't the life of the party then!"

_Sure, just name my faults. So I messed up a few parties, that doesn't mean that I'm not the life of other parties. Like, Uncle Louie's Polka Party!_

"Yeah Lily, you were the life of Uncle Louie's Polka Party, but that was a party that was filled with old people in polka outfits, plus your family and your weird cousin Sid."

Darn JIMM, and his good remeberness.

"MY COUSIN SID IS NOT WEIRD!"

Darn, did I just scream that... out loud?

Now everyone is staring at me, including Sirius, which makes his head look funny, since it's turned at a weird angle.

"SIRIUS!" I scream again... I cannot control the volume of my voice today! "GET MOVING! WE'LL NEVER GET TO THE MUSEUM AT THIS RATE!"

So Sirius takes off, running, with Peter scurrying behind him.

This gave me time to defend Cousin Sid.

"I believe the phrase is defend weird Cousin Sid."

_He is not any weirder than I am. So ha! _

"That doesn't say much..."

"_Yes it does JIMM! I am not weird! I am completely normal. If anyone is weird, it's you and your freakily dressed friends over there!" _

"Look who's talking poofy fairy carrot!"

_It's not my fault! They were the ones who dressed me! I didn't ask for them to put me in a ridiculous costume._

"Err, yeah you did actually. Remember?"

_Oh yeah. Darn._

I was about to say something else, when Sirius dropped me on the floor.

He and Peter swept into curtsies and said "We have arrived!"

I looked around. All I saw was a store. A store that sold dusty looking pudding.

"I thought we were going to the Quidditch museum. All there is here is dusty pudding. I don't get it," I said deciding to voice my thoughts.

Now Sirius and Peter will think I am a genius and elect me their supreme ruler!

Apparantly not. I know that I won't be their supreme ruler anytime soon because they laughed at me. A lot. Rolling on the floor, gripping your sides kind of laughter.

"What's so funny? I find nothing funny. Tell me what's so funny! I want to laugh too!"

"Well Lily dear," Sirius chuckled, "It seems you know less about the wizarding world than we thought you did."

"How's that?" I asked, knowing now that I seemed extraordinarily stupid.

"Because," Peter giggled, "We can't have muggles going into a Quidditch Museum, so it looks like a Pudding Store so that no one would go in! Duh!"

Well I'm not laughing.

"I don't find that funny."

Chuckle. NOOO! I will not laugh! Giggle. _Stop JIMM! Don't make me laugh._

Of course I burst out laughing until there are tears in my eyes.

Peter looked confused. "Lily, I thought you said you didn't find it funny? Or did I hear wrong? Because ever since James jammed that cheese doodle up my ear, I haven't been hearing as good as I used to."

"I heard her saying it's not funny too. But then again James also stuck a cheese doodle in my ear so that might be why we heard wrong. But I also have dog hearing so even if I do have a cheese doodle ear I have excellent hearing." Sirius said, also confused.

_Stupid boys. Can't they see that my STUPID INNER VOICE is controlling me?_

"Was that supposed to be a hint Lily love?" JIMM asked teasingly.

Instead of answering JIMM, I march straight up to t dusty pudding store, pull open the doors and step inside.

And I see... pudding. Dusty pudding.

I stood frozen in the doorway, when Sirius and Peter come into the store and bump into me.

Peter chuckled nervously. "Oops... I guess this WAS just a Dusty Pudding Store after all!"

Hmmm, well, what do you know? I was RIGHT! But you two... squids had to make fun of me. And ruin the small bit confidence I had left. Well, now I have horrible low self esteem and it's never going to come back!"

"Squids?"

Meanwhile, across town James and Remus were at the Ed McMunster National Library.

"Moony! Look what I found! It's a picture of a stag! I'm famous!"

"Keep your voice down Prongs. This is a library!"

"MOONY!" James practically shrieked, "Your in a book too! We are both famous!"

Remus looked up, suddenly interested. He grabbed the book from James.

"Let me see that!"

Remus looked at a picture of a wolf. But it wasn't just any wolf, it looked just like a werewolf. It looked just like Remus when he was in werewolf form.

"Wow that does look like me doesn't it?" Remus asked excitedly.

The two boys then linked arms and started skipping in circles shouting, "WE'RE FAMOUS! WE'RE FAMOUS!" on the top of their lungs.

Everyone stared at them.

The boys stopped skipping and glared back at them.

"They're just jealous that they aren't famous and in a book," James muttered. Remus nodded in agreement.

"Actually," one guy said stepping out from the crowd, "That's not true. I'm in a book... and the chicks dig me."

"Who ARE you?" Remus asked. For someone who claimed to be so famous, neither Remus nor James seemed to know him.

The guy, who was dressed in a white sparkly jumpsuit, said "I'm Elvis... duhh!"

The two boys looked at each other. "Americans sure are weird."

They were about to say something else when they noticed a very ugly girl staring at them not with amusement or fear like everyone else but with admiration. It scared them.

"Hey Moony, you see that girl who is staring at us strangely?"

"Yeah."

"She gives me the heeby jeebies."

"Yeah... me too."

James and Remus slowly started to back away, and went in search of more books.

After a few minutes, James got a feeling that someone was staring at them.

He turned around, and the creepy ugly girl was staring right at him, grinning.

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Prongs! Why are you screa- AHHHHHHHHH!" He just saw the creepy ugly grinning girl.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE MOONY! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

And they ran around and around and around. Unfortunately for them, the girl was a fast runner and caught up to them.

"Salut!" she said, grinning even more than she was before.

James looked at Remus, very confused. Remus on the other hand, seemed to understand perfectly.

"Salut! Je m'appelle Remus. Voila James. Et toi?"

The creepy ugly grinning girl just stared blankly at him.

"Huh?" she said loudly. "What didjya say?"

"It was French... I thought you spoke French, seeing as you were greeting us in French."

Creepy girl laughed. "Oh no, I don't speak French... I just like to sound like I do!"

James narrowed his eyes. "Oh I see, you're a French wanna-be."

"What's wrong with wanting to be French. There was a poll and more guys find French girls more attractive than English ones." She said batting her eyelashes.

"That's just wrong," Remus whispered to James. James understood that Remus was talking about the eyelash fluttering the ugly girl was doing.

"What are you two talking about? Kittens?"

"Sure."

"Look!" The girl exclaimed! "There are kittens over there!"

Remus looked at where she was pointing. All he saw was an old man reading an alphabet book.

There aren't any kittens there."

"Oh I thought I saw some there. Anyways my name is Agnes. And are you two really famous?"

James swelled with pride.

"Yep! We're in books! You wanna see?"

Agnes nodded eagerly.

James pointed to the pictures of the stag and the werewolf.

Agnes looked up at him, confused. It made her look even uglier.

"But... you're not a moose!" she exclaimed.

James gritted his teeth. "It's. A. STAG!"

"What's a stag?" Agnes asked stupidly. This made James even angrier.

"ME!"

"But... you're a dude... not a moose like thing!"

James was about to yell some more, when he heard a voice.

"She's a muggle you prat! She doesn't know that you're an animagous."

James looked around. "Who said that!"

"Can you excuse us for a second?" Remus asked Agnes. She nodded and Remus dragged James away.

He was just about to speak when he saw Agnes follow them. 'Stalker' he thought.

"James, how many times do we have to go through this? There is a person in you're head that you call LIMB. Every single time you hear her it takes an hour for you to remember!"

James racked his brain to remember.

"I got nothing."

Remus sighed. "Just talk to the voice James."

"Ok! Hello Lily in my brain! Wait! LIMB! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Every time," Remus said shaking his head. "Every time."

"You're an idiot, you know that?" LIMB asked. "You don't need to talk out loud for me to hear you. Just think!"

_That means that you can like hear all my thoughts? Creepy. _

LIMB sighed. "I can't believe you always forget about me. I've been in your brain since day one. That was 17 years ago! SEVENTEEN!"

_If you've been in my brain for so long, then why don't I hear you all the time? _

"Because, you ignore me and go ahead with all your stupid plans despite my warnings. I just gave up."

"Yeah so um why is he screaming and why does he think he's a moose?" Agnes asked Remus.

"I'm not a moose! I. am. a. STAG. STAG! STAG! Read my flapping lips. S-T-A-G!"

James was angry at Agnes...

The next ten seconds were a bit of a blur.

All Remus could make out was that James had jumped at Anges in his rage.

Now James was attempting to beat her up, but wasn't doing such a good job- in his rage his aim was really off.

"AHHHH!" Agnes screamed. "Help Me!

The whole library gathered in a circle around James and Agnes. Agnes was still shrieking so much, that people thought that James was really hurting her.

"Prongs! Stop hitting her," Remus said.

"I'm not! I keep on missing!"

Remus sighed. "But everyone else doesn't know that!"

Around them people were muttering to themselves.

"Such a shameful display!" an elderly woman said to the angry librarian.

"Didn't someone teach that young fellow not to hit girls?" The old man with the alphabet book asked.

James' temper was rising extremely high. First, he was called a moose. A MOOSE! He was not a moose. He was a stag. A STAG! And now stupid old men were saying he had no matters. GRRRRR.

Remus watched as James steadily got angrier and angrier and redder and redder.

KERSPUNKLE!

Bits of debris came crashing to the floor all around James, and people ran in terror.

"Good job git." LIMB said. "You blew the roof of the library!"

"I didn't mean to," James whispered. "It just kind of happened."

"Who cares if you look like a moose? It's not that big of a deal."

"YES IT IS!" James roared at LIMB. "I'M A STAG! A STAG! They are graceful and majestic. A moose is stupid and dumb!"

"James," Limb said exasperated. "First of all... stop yelling at me. Just think. Second, it doesn't matter!"

"Yes it does!"

"No it doesn't. And stop talking out loud!"

"I like people who yell at themselves and are famous and are mooses and blow up the roof off of a library," Agnes said. She was a very creepy girl.

Remus eyed her carefully. "Anges?" he asked.

"Yeah?" she answered, batting her eyelashes like there was no tomorrow.

"GO AWAY!" James yelled.

Agnes pouted. But it wasn't anything like other pouts. It made her fat ugly face look even fatter and uglier. "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!" She said winking.

"Is there something wrong with your eye? It keeps twitching." Remus said not really caring. It was scaring him.

James nudged Remus in the ribs. "Just back away slowly."

They started backing away but Anges kept on batting her eyelashes and doing the twitch thing, so they turned around and ran as fast as they could.

They smacked right into the very angry librarian.

_**"OUT!"**_

She went into a rant of all the things that they did in the library.

"First you run around screaming! You disturb everyone in this establishment! You ran away from a little girl! You've done alot of running! THERE IS NO RUNNING IN THE LIBRARY! Then, you jump on top of that girl and proceeded to beat her up! AND THEN YOU BLEW THE ROOF OFF THE BUILDING! I don't know how you did it, but I know it was you. So you are banned from the library! Get out! GET OUT!

"Okay," they said weakly. And they scurried out of the library. Thankfully, Agnes didn't follow. Or did she?

"Hey!" a voice called out to them. "You two! Come over here!"

Remus and James, curious with who was calling them. They went over, to see someone short in a huge trench coat, and dark sunglasses.

"You like dirt?" Said the mysterious short person. "Cuz I got tons of it." The person opened up the trench coat and the boys saw a lot of pockets filled with... dirt.

"How much is it?" James asked.

Remus stared at him in disbeleif.

"You were actually going to BUY dirt?"

When James nodded back at him eagerly, Remus snapped. Just how stupid could his friend be?

"JAMES THERE'S DIRT EVERYWHERE! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BUT DIRT FROM A COMPLETE LUNATIC!"

The person in the trench coat looked up, and took off her sunglasses. It was of course, Agnes.

"How'd you know it was me?" she asked.

Remus stared at her incredulously. "I didn't..."

"You're a psychic aren't you? You can see the future! Wow no wonder you two are famous! Oooh! I'll start a fan club. It'll be called... The Moose And The Psychic Fan Club! TMATPFC for short!"

The boys glanced at each other, and simultaneously muttered, "Just walk away..."

Both boys back away slowly and ran all the way back to Lily's house.

Upon reaching Lily's lawn, both boys collapsed on it, breathing hard. Once they had caught their breath, James announced his new goal.

"I'm gonna try to get banned from everyplace in London! Maybe even in the whole of ENGLAND!"

Remus sighed, knowing that James's wouldn't stop 'til they were ALL banned from everyplace in the UK.

**Lily's POV**

"What was with the stupid dusty pudding?" I asked, irritatingly.

"It's not my fault we ended up in the wrong place," Sirius said.

Sure it's not his fault. That's why we were walking all around the place trying to find the stupid museum! Darn him.

"It really isn't his fault you know Lily. Remus is always the one who could find things. Not Sirius or Peter."

_Shut up JIMM._

"Lily, Lily, Lily," JIMM said. "Be nice. It's not my fault you ended up at the dusty pudding store!"

_Yes it is! _

JIMM laughed. "How is it my fault?"

_Well, I always blame everything on James. And you're the closest person-like thing who is similar to James. It makes perfect sense, really._

"Well who can argue with that kind of logic?" sarcastic JIMM said.

"I'm glad you see my point."

"Erm, Lily? What point?" Peter asked.

Darn. I did it again.

At that point we were nearing my house. We were about three houses down and the neighborhood party was still going on!

Might as well stop by and let them all bow down to the wonderful person that is Lily!

"You're wonderful," JIMM asked.

Yes, I- WHAT! James. Remus. Party. Grr.

"Hey guys!" James called out to us.

Stupid party going dude. Stupid, kinda cute party going dude.

"Potter!" I yelled. "What are you doing at the party! YOU WILL WEIRD UP THE PARTY!"

James looked confused. "No Lily... according to the people... you weird up the parties!"

: "I do not weird up the parties as much as you do! You're fifty-kabillion times weirder than me!"

"Says the girl in the poofy fairy carrot (carrot fairy?) costume."

"Told ya so!" JIMM was ever so triumphant in my head.

Remus came over and joined us.

"Hey! Lily, your sister wouldn't let us in the house! Sirius, James and I are famous... HAH! And Peter, don't you think the pink tutu makes you look a little chubby?"

MAybe I should just leave and go home. Petunia won't let the boys in my house and they would probably much rather party! Now, just to get away unnoticed.

"Come on guys, let's go to my house."

I hate my mouth. And my mouth's brain (AKA JIMM).

The boys followed me inside. Couldn't they take a hint that I didn't want them to?

JIMM sighed. "NO Lily, they couldn't take the hint, seeing as you invited them inside your house... generally people who invite someone to come over, actually WANT them to!"

_Whatever JIMM... you suck. _

"So guys," Remus asked. "How was the museum?"

Sirius, Peter, and I glanced at each other, silently agreeing.

"Fantastic!" Peter exclaimed.

"The new exhibit was really cool!" Sirius said.

"It was AMAZING!" I said. "The Smitten Van McFluber exhibit was fixed, and the gift shop was cool, and all those brooms! It was like cleaning heaven! And flying heaven too I guess. The working model of the..."

This is where James interrupted me.

"You guys didn't get to the mesuem did ya?"

"No."

"Didn't think so."

**(BOLD) A/N: TADA! How was it? We personally enjoyed writing it and that's saying something seeing as we usually hate all our stuff. Review Please and thank you!**

**PS. The more reviews we get... the faster we update!**


	2. Chapter 2 The One with the Blue!

**Disclaimer: If we were Jo, Fred wouldn't have died.**

**A/N: Don't kill! We come in peace. Super sorry we disappeared, but we're back (and have pop!corn). Read, Enjoy, & Review! **

The boys are looking at me. The boys are glaring at me. The boys would be shooting laser beams out of their eyes if they could. I'm scared.

I'm very scared. I have no clue what I did and yet they are mad at me. At least I think they're mad at me. They better be mad at me after all the glaring they've done or I'll be mad at them.

"Uhh... guys?" I asked, trying not to sound too terrified. "Why are you glaring at me?"

They didn't answer me. They just glared even harder. Darn them. If I weren't so scared I would have been mad.

So do you know what I did? I bet you don't. You know why I bet you don't know what I did?

Because I am a genius/mastermind- no one knows what my next move is, that's why.

"GET ON WITH IT!" JIMM yelled.

_Fine. Be so mean. _

I glared right back at them.

And you know what they did?

They stopped glaring! Apparently my glare beats all (insert evil laughter).

"I don't like you Lily Openseason Evans!" Peter declared still glaring at me.

Everyone in the room gasped. Even JIMM.

But something else was on my mind.

"Openseason?" I asked. "That's not my middle name!"

Sirius stood up to defend Peter.

"Oh yeah? Well what is it then?"

"It happens to be much better than Openseason. My full name is Lily Marie Elizabeth Donna Sally Jane McNoodle Evans."

"Well that's a mouthful," JIMM said.

_Yes, but it's a beautiful mouthful! _

"Is not!"

_Is too!_

"McNoodle... hee hee!"

Stupid JIMM.

The boys started laughing. I mean can you believe that? Laughing! As if my name were funny! Well, it's not.

"MCNOODLE?!?!?!?!" James and Remus asked together, both in fits of laughter.

"It sounds like something McDonalds would come up with!"

"SALLY!?!?!?!?" Sirius giggled.

The stupid boys stopped laughing, and we all stared at Sirius.

"Padfoot..." Peter started warily, "Sally isn't a funny name..."

"So?"

We just stared.

Laughter. Where is all that laughter coming from? There's nothing funny so no one should be laughing. I look at the boys and see that none of them are laughing they're just looking at me. Like I'm the lunatic laughing.

Oh bugger, I am.

"Lily..." Peter said using the same tone he did with Sirius. "Why are you laughing?"

I thought about it for a second. I wasn't really sure.

"Because JIMM thought it was funny and is now forcing me to laugh, like his little puppet."

Oh bugger, I can't believe I just said that.

Sure, I might have mentioned JIMM to Sirius and Peter a few times but never to James. How am I supposed to explain that I have him in my head? And he would probably take it the wrong way. You know, thinking I like him and whatnot. I don't. Like him, I mean.

"JIMM?" Remus and James asked. I guess Sirius and Peter remembered the last time I mentioned the stupid voice.

"You know... the James In My..."

_OH NO YOU DON'T JIMM!_

"In my... my... My My My don't you boys look hungry!"

I hurried myself around looking for snack. Inside though, I was triumphantly gloating to JIMM.

_See that JIMM... I took controlled and it worked out FANTASTIC!_

"Look at them Lilykins... not so fantastic."

The boys were looking at me like I was insane. I heard Sirius mutter something about taking me to the loony bin.

"Oh. Did I forget to tell you? I'm trying out for a play. I want to be the lead. The lady who is err schizophrenic. I was just trying it out. You know... to see how I was."

"Ohhh" The boys comprehended.

Wow they are stupid.

"Well... you're a sucky actor!" Sirius supplied lamely.

"Why am I a sucky actor?!"

"Because... I DON'T KNOW GOSH DARNIT!"

We all laughed. Even Sirius. Even Petunia. I didn't even know Petunia was listening to us. That's called eavesdropping missy!

"Sod off Freak!" Petunia said as she practically skipped out the door.

She disgusts me. Almost as much as her fat stupid boyfriend Vernon.

"Why was she laughing then?" Peter asked.

"She's weird."

"Not at ALL like you" Sirius remarked, using what he thought to be a sarcastic voice.

"Of course not," I said. "I'm not weird."

The boys apparently thought that was hysterical, because they burst out laughing. Side clutching, fist pounding laugher. How rude!

"What's rude?" JIMM asked.

_Rude is what you and your friends are most of the time. _

"They're your friends too."

_But I don't even know WHY. They just showed up at my doorstep yesterday. _

"What? You've never showed up at your friends house randomly?"

_No. Well yes, but they weren't my friends then. They were just my annoying fellow Gryffindors. _

"Aha! They ARE your friends!" JIMM said triumphantly.

_Well NOW they are. It's hard to go into a dusty pudding store dressed as a poofy fairy carrot and NOT become friends! _

"But what about James and Remus? They weren't there."

_Remus is cool. James, James is just... James. _

JIMM laughed. "You do realize you used the word 'James' three times in a five words sentence right?"

_Shut up._

"Whatever you say dearie!"

And JIMM was silenced.

I looked at the boys. They stopped laughing, but were staring at me like I was a lunatic. I mean seriously, me? A lunatic?

More laughter. Where is it coming from? Oh. Me again.

I hate you JIMM.

I decide to not acknowledge my strange behavior, and instead became very perky.

"WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT TO DO TODAY?!!?!"

The boys backed away slowly.

"WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO AFRAID OF ME? HUH?"

Ok, so apparently I don't do perky. How did I know?

Well, Peter started crying.

_Why is Peter crying?!?! I didn't do anything!_

JIMM chuckled. Can you imagine? He CHUCKLED! I made an almost fully-grown wizard cry and he was LAUGHING. Screw you JIMM. Screw you.

"Peter?" I ask sweetly. "Are you okay?"

I take a step towards him and he runs away screaming.

"What's bugging him?" I asked no one in particular.

Sirius, Remus and James all looked at one another then at the same time all said, "Spaghetti."

_Spaghetti? Why the heck is he crying for spaghetti? _

"Uhh Peter?" I called. "I'll make you some spaghetti if you want."

"Your spaghetti tastes bad!" Peter screamed. Like a little baby.

I was deeply offended. My spaghetti is world class!

"But..." I sniffled. "You've never had my spaghetti!"

At this point Peter laughed at me, and I did the only rational thing I could think of.

I started to cry.

As soon as I start to cry, James gets scared and starts screaming. I don't think he's ever seen me cry before. But there was a lot of noise.

"YOU DON'T LIKE MY COOKING!" I sobbed.

Sirius started at me like I was mental. That made me cry even harder.

"I AM NOTA NUTJOB!"

I was nearly hysterical at his point.

Peter started circling me like a vulture.

"Spaghetti….. Spaghetti…. Spaghetti…" he whispered at me.

I stopped crying, out of pure fear.

Soon, James, Remus and Sirius joined Peter. Scary, scary stuff.

I did the only logical thing to do.

I screamed.

"AHHHHH!!!! HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HELP!"

To my surprise, someone came to my rescue.

A hot muscley fireman.

Inwardly I swooned, but then I remembered why I was screaming in the first place.

"Thank goodness you're here! These boys are mental!"

The fireman that I will call Bob, for my pleasure, looked around.

"This isn't my granny's house!" he exclaimed, pouting.

And he walked out; leaving me with the loonies I called friends. Sort of. I started screaming again. Stupid Bob. I will never again swoon inwardly to a fireman.

"Hee hee, swoon inwardly"

_SHUT UP JIMM!_

"I'm in your mind you know, I know about all those times you swooned inwardly for a certain _someone _in this room!"

I stopped to think. Who did I swoon inwardly for? I don't do much swooning as it is.

_Sirius?_ I asked him. I seriously didn't know. Hah. Serious, Sirius. Hah. Hah.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!"

They stopped chanting spaghetti and looked at me strangely. I was doing it again. The whole laughing thing.

In the past two days, I've learned a thing or two. The first thing I learned? That I get undeserved strange looks. Seriously. I get strange looks from everyone! And I'm always perfectly rational.

JIMM giggled. That's right. He GIGGLED!

"_You? RATIONAL?!?" _he asked. "_You are to rational, as hand is to shoe."_

_Well HAH! _I thought. _Hands and shoes go perfectly…. Wait… no they don't. Darn. _

JIMM giggled some more. This infuriated me.

_Well you know what mister? You are to stupid as glue is to potato! _

JIMM stopped giggling. "_That doesn't make ANY sense, and now I am confused."_

Darn again. I'm really off today. I used to be a smart kid you know.

_"You can't fool me Lily, I was with you all your life. You were never on."_

_But I used to be smart! Admit it! I was a bloody genius until I met these four losers. _

JIMM gasped.

"_My, my, such bad swear words from some a pristine lady!" _

_Since when was I pristine? How do you even know what that means? The real James wouldn't. _

_"Just in case you haven't noticed Lily, I am not James. I am just a figment of your imagination that sounds and talks just like James because deep down you really love him."_

...No.

JIMM laughed. He likes to laugh at me a lot.

"_Yes you do Lily. You know it. You looooove him. You wanna date him. Yes you dooooo. Yes you do….."_

I couldn't stand to let JIMM spout all this lies about me in my mind. What would the rest of my body think?

"I DO NOT YOU STUPID BUTT!"

Oh crud. I screamed out loud again. I have got to stop doing that.

"James," Sirius said looking at me as if he never saw me scream something randomly. "You're girlfriend is a nut job."

_He's right. I am a nutjob. Wait…_

"I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!"

I changed the subject before JIMM could start making me do something totally weird.

"So… how bout them Dodgers?"

"What are Dogders?" Peter asked.

"Um. I dunno. I think it's some American thing."

There was a collective "Ohh…." In the room.

That's when the spaghetti chant began again.

"Okay! I'll take you to the spaghetti! Just stop the madness!"

I thought long and hard about where I could take them to get spaghetti.

"Hah hah. Long and hard!" JIMM guffawed

STOP IT! My mind is rated PG-13!

He shut up after that.

That's when I thought of the perfect place- Speckle's Spaghetti and Pancake House.

I wanted to say, "We can go to Speckle's Spaghetti and Pancake House", but instead I wound up saying, "My mind is rated PG-13"

They looked at me funny again.

Remus cleared his throat. "That's nice Lily dear."

I started sobbing again at that point.

"I AM NOT CRAZY YOU KNOW! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE I'M LIKE THIS!"

James jumped up and attempted to punch Remus' lights out and hug me at the same time.

"MOONY! YOU MADE LILY CRY! I'LL KILL YOU! It's alright Lily, I can kiss you and make you feel better!"

I jumped up.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME JAMES! I AM _THIS _CLOSE TO LOSING IT!"

I climbed out the window and stood on the window ledge, flat against the wall.

"Don't tempt me…. I'll jump!"

"No Lily! DON'T JUMP! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" James screamed.

"Just in case anyone didn't notice... WE'RE ON THE FIRST FLOOR!" Remus screamed.

"Oh."

I didn't care. They have tormented me and made me feel insane one too many times.

So… I jumped.

It was exhilarating falling, but it only lasted 3 seconds, before I landed head first into the petunias my mum planted after my sister was born.

I heard screaming from inside the house and the stamping of feet. If I hadn't been in such an uncomfortable position it would have been very amusing to hear.

"_Lily Marie Elizabeth Donna Sally Jane McNoodle Evans." _JIMM scolded me.

"_That was very irresponsible. You are checking yourself into a self-help clinic as soon as the sexy and godlike James helps you out of these blasted flowers!" _

_If he's so sexy and godlike, why don't you go out with him?! And I do NOT need help! I didn't even hurt myself! _

"_But you tried to hurt yourself Lily! That's the point. If that window had been higher up, your brains would be all nice and on the ground and not in your head! Imagine how gross that would have been." _

_If it had been higher up, I wouldn't have jumped. Gosh!_

"_Whatever Lily, your going to a self help clinic." _

_Am Not! _

"_Are too!"_

_Am Not!_

"_Are too!" _

That's when I heard James sobbing. "She's dead!"

Sirius was very somber when he said, "She was so young and full of life. Now… not so much. Anyone up for some ice-cream on Diagon Alley?"

"Oh! I want ice-cream!" Remus said.

Mean people. They don't care that I'm dead.

Peter chimed in with an "I'm in!"

The only consolation was that I was pretty sure James would be looking at them incredulously, because I was dead and he cared. Maybe he would even beat them up- I mean he beat Sirius up when he made fun of my hair once.

"Ok! I want chocolate and vanilla, and butterscotch…."

_"Haha,_" JIMM said, rubbing in my face that not even James cares that I'm dead.

So obviously I responded with a 'shut up.'

The only thing is, that I might have said it out loud.

So James, who was still going on about all the flavors he wanted, said "Don't be rude Lily dear. We'll get you ice cream too don't wor… LILY YOU'RE ALIVE!"

Since he was extremely happy that I didn't die, and since he was James, he didn't go through the door to hug me endlessly. He jumped out the window. And landed on me.

"OOF!" And all the wind was knocked out of me.

James went "OOF!" too, but I'm not exactly sure why. I mean I was the one with a really heavy guy on me. He had no OOF!ing rights.

Hehehe. OOF!ing rights sounds funny.

It sounded so funny that I attempted to laugh. But seeing as how I had the wind knocked out of me, it sounded like I was a crumpled horned snorcack or whatever it is that Peter's always going on about.

But even with my crumply horned snorcacks sounds, James didn't get the hint to get off me.

"James get off of me!" I cried.

He laughed sheepishly. "I kinda can't…. I'm stuck."

"Darn."

So I started screaming bloody murder.

"HELP! THERE'S A JAMES POTTER ON TOP OF ME! HELP!"

James started screaming then too.

"HELP! I'M ON TOP OF A SCREAMING LILY! GET ME OFF OF HER!!!"

Screaming wasn't the best thing to do though. I heard Sirius shout "Have no fear, Sirius is here!"

The next thing I know Sirius jumps out the window. And lands on James. Who is still on me. And then he said, "Dammit. I'm stuck too."

So now we were all screaming like our lives depended on it. Well my life kind of did, because now I had the weight of two very heavy boys on me.

But I must admit James smelled very good. Like soap. Ivory Soap.

That's when JIMM decided to grace me with his presence.

"_Aww Lily, you think he smells good!" _

_Ummmmm……………. No I don't. He smells like soap. I don't like soap._

"Ew. You don't like soap?" Sirius asked. He then started screaming even louder. Apparently I said that last part out loud… again.

Before I could defend myself and say that yes, I indeed use soap, Peter came to Sirius' rescue. And he used the window.

There were more OOF!ing noises. And I really could not breath, seeing as there were three very heavy boys on me. I tried to join in on the screaming but I couldn't. Because I couldn't breath.

So my screaming sounded like this- " ."

That's when I heard Remus say, "Don't worry, I'm coming!"

And I found the last breath in my body and screamed, "NOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

But then I heard the door open and Remus started speaking again. From outside. And he wasn't on top of me.

He sighed. "Ok, well if you really don't want me to help you, I guess I'll be going then. Bye!" and he skipped brightly away.

"Good job Lily Openseason Evans!" Peter said in a very very mean voice. "You made our helper go away! AND WE'RE STUCK!"

"Shut up Peter. You're fat."

"I am not! I'm pleasantly plump!"

Sirius intervened. "Shut up Peter. You're fat. And not all that pleasant. And stop complaining, you don't have a fat person on top of you!"

"And you don't have THREE fat people on you, Sirius. So you have no right to complain."

Instead of letting him retort, I started screaming again.

"HELP! THERE ARE FAT PEOPLE ON ME! I CANNOT BREATHE! I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M SCREAMING SINCE I CANNOT BREATHE, BUT HELP!!!!!!!!"

"Do you need help little lady?" I heard a voice say.

I tried to nod vigorously, but it didn't work, because once again- there were fat people on top of me.

The next thing I heard was Peter screaming, "STOP POKING ME YOU MANIAC!" and then he toppled over.

A little more air made it to my lungs.

Then I heard Sirius giggle, "Heh heh, I'm being poked. By a weirdo." And then he toppled over.

And I could breathe a tad bit better.

And then James, who yelled, "GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME, YOU!" And then at last, he finally rolled off of me.

And I took a gloriously big gulp of air.

The stranger helped me up and without realizing what I was doing, I began to hug him. He was very short. And fat. And little-looking. And stupid looking. And weird.

"Hi. I'm Brent. I have upright seizure things when I play my instrument. I love you. Who are you?"

I never got to tell him who I was because the next second James was on top of the poor kid beating him up. I wanted to feel bad for him but I thought it was funny. So I laughed.

"HAHAAHAHAHAHHASNORT!"

_Oh crud. Did I just snort?_

"Haha Lily you snorted. You're like a pig. Snort snort snort!"

_Shut up JIMM. You're stupid and mean. _

"Such a witty comeback. I'm surprised you didn't call me a Poop Face."

_That was next on the list. Grrrrr…._

"Wow Lily, you're so predictable sometimes."

_Am not you….. Booger.. Sprout!_

"Ahh! I'm hurt! You called me a booger sprout!"

_I'm sorry. Was that too harsh?_

"I'm not talking to you anymore."

"THANK GOODNESS!!!!!!"

The boys are looking at me funny. James even stopped beating up Brent.

Brent looked up from the sidewalk on which he was sprawled across and said tearfully, "You're glad he's beating me up? I thought you were the love of my life! I was going to ask you to go to Chuck E Cheese with me!"

And he ran away in tears.

Oops. I guess I said that out loud. I really need to stop doing that.

And then Remus came skipping back to my front lawn. And he was eating ice cream. It was chocolate, vanilla, butterscotch, pistachio, jelly, mango, banana, strawberry, and blue flavored. I wanted it.

So I jumped on him. I mean I really really wanted that icecream. It had blue on it for goodness sakes. Hah. That reminds me of the Santa Clause song.

So as I was dangling on the back of Remus' shoulders, I began to sing- "YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! YOU BETTER NOT CRY! YOU BETTER NOT POUT! I'M TELLING YOU WHY!"

I was just about to tell the neighborhood why, when Peter did it for me.

"CUZ SANTA CLAUSE IS COMING TO TOWN!!!"

As if on cue, the other three boys started singing,

"He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake, He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake!"

They were pretty good singers. Til they started to dance.

Since Remus was pretty preoccupied with singing and dancing, I decided to try to take a bite out of his ice cream. It worked! So I took another bite. And another. And before I knew it, I finished his ice cream.

Lucky for me Remus was still doing his dance that was oddly coordinated with the other boys dancing, to notice that it was totally gone.

Until, the dance abruptly stopped, and Remus looked at the hand that had once held the ice cream.

"WHERE DID MY ICE CREAM GO????????"

"Errr.. It fell on the ground and I figured you wouldn't want it anymore. But ice cream that good can't go to waste. So I did the only logical thing was to do and ate it off the ground."

There was a collective shudder. James looked at me incredulously.

"You ate it off the GROUND??!??! That's gross. And to think I wanted to make out with you!"

I nodded sheepishly. "Well it was really really good. I can't pass up Blue! You shouldn't expect me to!"

Peter nodded in concurrence. "She's right. We've all been tempted by that wonderful good goodyness that is Blue before."

"Yeah, but I would never eat it off the ground," James said, still looking disgusted.

"Er, James, hate to break it to you mate but you have eaten ice cream off the ground. Many times before, now that I think about it," Sirius said. That made me feel much better. At least I wasn't the only one who ate ice cream off the ground.

_"Lily you never did eat ice cream off the ground. You just made that up so Remus didn't yell at you,"_ JIMM reminded.

Oh yeah.

I was relishing the feeling of not being so weird, when Peter did it again. He started chanting, "Spaghetti………….. Spaghetti……….."

"NOT AGAIN!!! I'LL GET YOU YOUR FRIGGIN" SPEGHETTI!" I screamed. I couldn't handle yet another spaghetti chant. It didn't end well last time.

"But, I don't like spaghetti."

"Oh, of course you don't" I said sarcastically.

Peter looked surprised.

"You understand?"

Now I was confused. I didn't understand anything really. What was he talking about?

Not even JIMM could help me.

"Sorry Lils, I have nooo idea what Peter's going on about."

So I decided I would just play along.

"Of course I understand Peter! It's not a very hard concept to grasp!"

Peter gazed at me admirably. It was rather creepy.

"So are you ready?" he asked.

"Ready for what?"

"THE GLASS FIGURINE MUSEUM!"

"Oh, right the glass figurine museum! Of course I'm ready for that! Just lead the way!"

"WAIT!" Sirius shouted. "We should wear our costumes from yesterday! That way people on the streets will recognize us!"

No. There is no way im going to be a poofy fairy carrot again.

"Good idea Sirius! But James and Remus will need costumes too."

_I really hate you JIMM._

"Love you too Lily darling," JIMM quipped smugly.

Meanwhile, Remus and James were brainstorming ideas for their costumes.

"How about the big bad wolf, Moony?"

"Like I haven't heard that one before…."

"Why do people suggest you should be a big bad wolf?"

The boys immediately looked uncomfortable.

"Erm….. it's a long story actually….. shouldn't we get going to that museum?" Remus mumbled.

I shook my head. "I wanna know!!!"

Sirius sighed.

"Ok Lily, I guess there's no point in hiding it from you. Remember the time that Remus couldn't remember the password for the common room, and tried to 'huff and puff and blow the tower down'?"

"Oh yeah………" I agreed. That was really funny.

"Yeah, well we never let him live that down."

"Oh. That's not very nice."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked. "You're not exactly a bowl of pickles yourself dearie."

_Obviously I'm not a bowl of pickles…. I would be a lot greener then. _

"Actually I AM a bowl of pickles."

Grr. Stupid JIMM controlling my mouth again.

The boys stared at me.

"Lily, you're not a bowl of pickles. You'd be green." Remus said slowly.

"Excuse me, but who are you to tell me if I'm a bowl of pickles? I am very pickle-y!"

Apparently, JIMM not only has control of my mouth and hands, but my legs also. Because I started to jump around chanting "Pickle, pickle, pickle..."

The boys stared at me some more. And then joined in.

So there we were, four of age wizards and a witch, hopping around yelling "Pickle, pickle, pickle…."

It probably would have continued for a long time, if it hadn't been for my neighbors.

All of them came outside and started watching us. They stared at us for a bit and I was getting ready to tell them off for being so rude and staring at us, when JIMM beat me to it.

"C'mon everybody!" I yelled. "Stop staring and do the pickle dance!"

Unfortunately for me, I had weird neighbors who didn't like to do the pickle dance. So they completely ignored me and continued to stare.

"You're neighbors stink Lily. I'm disappointed in them. The pickle dance is fun!" JIMM said.

And so he took control of my mouth, and made me sing the pickle dance song.

"Oh Pickles, pickles, pickles

I am a pickle, pickle, pickle!

All green and bumpy and greeeeeen!

The Pickle Dance Song!!!!"

We all finished the dance at the same time, with Remus and Pete doing back flips and ending on James and Sirius' shoulders. They all had jazz hands.

The neighbors continued to stare at them in disgust. Until little Linus from down the lane launched into laughter and applause. "Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!"

I put my hands up and said, "No, no. We must go."

And as if the boys read my mind, we all apparated.

**A/N: Yeah…. **

**Next chapter they go to glass figurine museum! Get ready for more Agnes!!!!**


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